Monday 17 April 2017

Why I hated being pregnant...

Yep, I said it🙈. Although I'm ridiculously thankful for my beautiful boys, it truly was a means to an end for me. Carrying MCDA twins not only put a massive physical strain on my body, but I don't think anyone can prepare you for the emotional journey you have to endeavour.

The physical side
I've had friends who truly glowed though their pregnancies🙄. People would ask me "do you need to sit down?", or "not feeling great today then?" Not sure if it was the sick in my hair that gave it away, or the fact I was pale as paper!😓

I had morning, noon and night sickness and nausea. They tried anti-sickness meds, but nothing worked. I had not one craving! I just wanted bland, as I knew I'd see it again within the hour😷. Plus I had to give up my favourite lunch, Subway's BMT as it contained cured meats😢At 16 weeks, I didn't weigh anymore than before I was pregnant!

They said that pregnant women are less likely to suffer with their usual aliments👍WELL THEY WERE WRONG😡! I had horrendous hayfever, eczema, IBS.... Plus to add to that the horrendous back pain, the little buggers actually cracked one of my ribs from lack of room (I'm 5ft1), a swollen EVERYTHING, anaemia (the damn parasites) which the hospital couldn't get under control until I was so constipated I thought I was likely to explode sh*t and babies.

And then there's the injections in your bum for their lung development😩OH MY GOODNESS. I guess I went in thinking it would be like any other injection I'd had, but it felt like someone kicked me in the arse! Then you have to return to the hospital the following day to go through it all over again, this time knowing exactly what you're in for! Thankfully the second midwife was a little more gentle, or my inconsolable crying numbed the pain😝?

The Emotional Side
But then there's the emotional side. At 6.5 weeks pregnant, we were already advised that we were high risk, and that we would have to go under a consultant. Of course, my husband did some research and read up all about TTTS. I vowed to never read a thing, and asked no-one to tell me. I knew by my husbands stance of buying things, and announcing it to friends and family the outlook must be bad. We didn't announce it to anyone until I was 18 weeks, and we couldn't hide it anymore. I could tell when others around me read up the same information. They didn't say anything, but they just looked and spoke about my pregnancy differently. The consultant every fortnight would be very frank, and sugarcoated nothing! I could tell by his expression at the last few scans, that he was deeply astonished by the similarity in size. 

I would be such a mess, that if in morning I was only sick once and not three times before I left the house I was convinced something was wrong. I had a home doppler that I used religiously every morning, until they stated to move about. I didn't have a baby shower for fears that it was tempting fate. When we got to 28 weeks, we started ordering the extreme essentials. They were delivered to my parents, grandparents, anywhere that would mean it didn't have to come in the house. And I was continually looking for that other magpie (💔one for sorrow!)

I think with everyone preparing us for bad news, it meant I never let myself truly believe that I would actually be a mum. It took from my waters breaking, to a couple of days with them to actually come to terms with it. Whilst they were in special care, and I was on the ward recovering from the c-section, and I remember waking up from naps and looking down at my tummy thinking "was that a dream, or did we do this?"

I can't say I never want anymore children, but I can say it was the worst and best 7 months of my life💙💙!